Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Through My Eyes - The Struggle 1

Its been almost 6 months since my wife got pregnant. We have been living from hand to mouth... well from all the saving I had from before. My wife and I had several discussions about what to do next. Since I was originally from the oil company, and I had a little extra money, I suggested we hired a tanker driver who would supply oil to miniature gas stations. But my wife smelt what I knew to be danger. She was always right when she said things like that but we were running out of options. In the end, our struggle drives us to decide on transportation business. We started this little bus systems, where we hired two insatiable men to run the bus system. The deal was that they would drive around the buses, pick up passengers and charge them a certain fare, just like the cab systems only more money.
In spite of all the chaotic mess, I was searching desperately for a job. It was becoming harder to live every day. My savings was gradually disappearing and worse of all; my family members had no Idea I lost my Job! Uncle Kay still had to send them money when they needed it, they were like a curse to me... well most of them. I love my mother the most and till today, I owe her the man I am today.

When I was about 6 years old, my father began marrying more women. Half of them stayed till they got his money and then they would vamoose like there was something chasing them from my father’s house. When I was 12, I could count about 4 wives that were left, excluding my mother. My mother was the main wife, taking care of all his other kids, which at the time was about 13 of them. She single handedly strived to make sure we graduated high school. She never complained, never made me work much. She would take all my cloths and Fred's; my older brother who at the time was also going to school, and wash it all with her palm. She went as far as selling food on the streets so that we could go to school. Where was my father all this while? Drinking, eating and going for chief's meetings where he would then spend the rest of his money. The only time we got the chance to spend time with him was every Saturday when all 8 of us ( The 8 kids old enough to farm) would go trekking about 14 miles with him to farm. I learned to not be my father, which is why I'm really skeptical about my little baby coming into this world to meet a jobless father. Oh, by the way, Fred dropped out of school and is certainly one of the family members who wouldn't leave me the hell alone.

So, I send money to my family members, and my precious mother,  I'm feeding a pregnant wife, fending for my other two kids, buying gas for my vehicle transportation and then paying the guys some quota of what they make and having damages, repairs and servicing for all the cars they have been driving. Did I mention that I’m also paying monthly wages on the company car that was stolen last year. Isn't life a struggle? We are buying baby clothes and to be honest, I can't bring myself to tell my wife that we are living off of the transportation business. I certainly cannot! She doesn't know about the car mortgage that I have been paying, I cannot offset my pregnant wife another bad news. My kids managed to stay in school. It was such a rough year for them, I even had to exclude them from school trips I couldn't afford. Selling my houses was the last option my family had... and right now, it seems like our best.
Dealing with such huge responsibilities with an empty pocket is overwhelming. I miss the days where all I had to do was to call the bank and everything was settled. If I didn't spoil my family with all these money, maybe I would have had more savings or just maybe I wouldn't have them bugging me now. It seems so often these days, I guess without a job every dime spent weighs off one's pocket.

Reports reached my wife that the boys I hired for my transportation job turned against me. Its been two weeks since I have been chasing them to send me some money. Now some kind of story says they have two of my buses in their names and worse of all the other three has for various reasons been impounded. Tears rolled down my eyes as my wife shivered in pain. Why this happening to me, now …now that she is pregnant... now that I have three other mouths than myself to feed... no four mouths! I'm a man right... I could do this. I whispered in my wife's ears, "I'll take care of it." She sat there with sadness in her eyes, looking like she wished she could help. There was only so much she could do, she was eight months pregnant and was still the house keeper. I have no idea on how to handle this situation. I am a perplexed man with no friends. I walked into the police station, gave them my information and then they began explaining. The two cars you claim as yours cannot be returned to you because these guys got real documents to prove the ownership of these buses.
"What do you mean real documents? I fumed in anger! That's obviously fake, Aren't you a police station. Type in your computer and find my Goddam name."
"Mr. Kay, please calm down, have your sit", He replied, trying to sound as calm as possible.
It appears that they got a hold of the real document and transferred the ownership to themselves.
"Did you by any chance give them any personal documents?"
"No! Never"... I began to think hard... That night she said he came for some documents and didn't know which was which so she gave him all. I planned to retrieve the ones he didn't need the next day and... Shit! I never did. So irresponsible of me. I walked out of the office in great anger, I could hurt someone now, I really could. I got in my car and drove, drove far away. I walked through the beach, kicking my feet through the sands, thinking of what next to do. My wife, my kids, my life... was flashing before my eyes. I called the last person on earth I knew to call.

The tanker business my wife freaked out about, He gave me a contract. This once, millions to be made... and then I could start a business for myself and my family. And the baby due to arrive next month. Perfect timing. I took the offer, sold off one of my houses to fund the contract and within a month, it was making some progress. After this month, I would have made enough money to see this whole thing through. I'm beginning to wonder why my wife had the "Bad Feeling" about it. The life of a jobless man is equivalent to secrets kept from his wife. I felt bad about everything I had been doing in secret, I was determined to tell her after overseeing this delivering that’s due today.
I came through the doors, my little babies came hugging my feet, and my wife, and she smiled and gave me a kiss. She sounded extremely tired. She took off my tie and took my suit case in; I managed to pull off my shoes and socks. I have to tell her tonight, she will understand.
"So honey, I have been meaning to tell you", I started as I narrated my whole guilt to her. I told her about the car mortgage, about the vehicles that were stolen from me - how that happened, and most importantly about the new business I dabbled into. She looked uncomfortable, sad, let down... When I was done, she slowly dragged herself close enough, grabbed me by my arms and screamed till I thought I was deaf,
"My water just effing broke"
That was the first time I heard my wife swear.
Third time experiencing this but I was still as naive as a fallen leaf. The ride to the hospital was terrifying to say the least but before I could I knew it, my little son was born!


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